


My Immortal x Breaking Bad

by trollarcoaster



Series: My immortal Rewritten [1]
Category: (My) Immortal: The Web Series, Breaking Bad, Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Breaking Bad References, F/M, Gen, M/M, Meme, Memes, Multi, My First Fanfic, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2018-09-27 01:34:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 5,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9944462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trollarcoaster/pseuds/trollarcoaster
Summary: Breaking Bad, rewritten in the style if the infamous My Immortal fanfic... either that or My Immortal rewritten with Breaking Bad characters...





	1. Chapter  1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Whalter Whoot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Special dankz (geddit, coz of dank memes) 2 my bf (i wish in that way) jasper, katanaxd 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Max ur da luv of my pathetic life u rok 2! DANK MEMES ROK!

Hi my name is Walter Hartwell White and I have a short white (that’s how I got my name) hair and I’m practically bald cuz I have cancer with a short moustache and goatee combo and dead blue eyes like a depressed father and a lot of people tell me I look like Hiesenberg (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). [[I’m not related to the actual Heisenburgh but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a methamphetamine manufacturer, and I sell my meth to a greeder fucker named Gus in Albequrqe New Mexico where I’m in the 50th year (I’m fifty). I’m a chemist (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly ugly dad clothes. I love Old Navy and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a yellow labcoat with matching black boots and black suede gloves(so mah handz dunt get burnned by da chemicals), cheap glasses and an ugly black top hat. I was wearing burts bees chapstick, white foundation to cover up my black eye, and my wedding ring. I was walking outside my house. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of DEA agents stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

“Hey Mr.White!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Jesse Pinkman!

“What’s up Jesse?” I asked.

“Nothing.” he said shyly.

But then, I heard my wife call me and I had to go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Is it good? PLZ tell me DaNKz!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My bffl is hawt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Fangz 2 katanaxd 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I took of my bed covers and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My bed was drab and depressing and inside it looked like old man pants. I got out of my “coffin” and took of my giant “I ❤ making crystal meth” t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a tighty whities, a plain undershirt, old navy jeans and a junky plaid shirt on. I put on mah wedding ring gently, and shaved my hair again cuz i have cancer and it was falling out anyway.

My friend, Fergus (AN: Jasper dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. He flipped his messy half shaved emo hair which was brown and opened his chocolatey hispanic eyes. He put on his Twenty One Pilots t-shirt with a black pair of boxers, a binder and really tight hipter jeans. We put on our masks for the day (we hide our depression with humor and memes.)

“OMFG, I saw you talking to Jesse Pinkman yesterday!” he said excitedly.

“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.

“Do you like Jesse?” he asked as we went out of the back ally and into the middle of the street.

“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted.

“Yeah right!” he exclaimed. Just then, Jesse walked up to me.

“Hi.” he said.

“Hi.” I replied flirtily.

“Guess what.” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, Tuco is having a major drug deal tonight and I think we should go sell some meth.” he told me.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love making money. It’s my second favorite thing, besides calling Jesse an idiot.

“Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked.

I gasped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't realize someone out there had actually read this. Y'all should be happy to know I have several more chapters which I finally figured out how to post.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Walt and Jesse go to a drug deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY NURDZ OK! odderwize danks 2 da dank meme ppl 4 da good reveiws! DANKz(geddit? dank memes) AGEN JAYSPER! oh yeah, BTW I don’t own dis or da lyrics 4 Hotline Bling by Drake.

On the night of the drug deal I put on my cowboy boots with high heels. Underneath them was a gun and black leather holster just incase tuco got any funny ideas. Then I put on my usual tighty whities and undershirt. I put on my old navy pants and plaid shirt. I reshaved my ugly bald head and combed my little baby beard. I felt a little nervous then, so I smoked some pot. I read a chemistry book while I waited for the high to wear off and I listened to some Pink Floyd. I nervously bit off all my nails and put on my signature Heisenberg hat. Then I put on my wedding ring. I didn’t bother to take my cancer meds because I was going to die anyway anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the junkyard drug deal.

I went outside. Jesse was waiting there in front of his stupud bouncing car. He was wearing a “Moon Fest” t-shirt (we were gonna sell some drugs at the concert after), baggy gangsta pants, a ridiculously oversized jacket and a stupid l'il beanie (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

“Hi Jesse!” I said in a depressed voice.

“Hi Mr.White.” he said back. We walked into his bouncing Hydraulic (the license plate said CRYSRAL METH 5EVER❤) and flew to the junkyard. On the way we listened to L'il Wayne and a bunch of Jesse’s other stupid rap bands. Jesses tried to do some of the meth we were there to sell but I slapprd him upsie the head before he could get too far. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the place in the junkyard where we were supposed to meet but tuco was already dead cuz my brother in law Hank who is also a DEA agent shot him wkth a gun a nunch of times so we just went to da concert instead.

“HOW COULD THIS HAPPPEN TO MEEEEEEEEE  
I’VE MADE MY MISTAAAAAAAKE  
MMMMMMMMM WATCYA SAAAAAAY  
GIRL IMMA TREAT U RIGHT.” sang Drake(I don’t own da lyrics 2 dat song).

“Drake is so fucking hot.” I said to Jesse, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Jesse looked sad.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said.

“Really?” asked Jesse sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

“Really.” I said. “Besides I don’t even know Drake and he’s going out with Nicki fucking Manaj. I fucking hate that little bitch.” I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly plastic bobs.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Jesse. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Drake and Nicki Manah for their autographs and photos with them. We got Pink Floyd concert tees so we could pretend we’re hipsters even though we’re not. Jessu and I crawled back into the bouncing Hydraulic, but Jesse didn’t take me home to my wife and son, instead he drove the car into…………………………………………….… a marshmallow factory!!!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesse looses his virginity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I sed stup flaming ok Whalters’s name is WOOLTER nut mary su OK! JESSE IS SOO IN LUV wif him dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

“JESSE!” I shouted. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”

Jesse didn’t answer but he stopped the bouncing car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

“What the fucking hell?” I asked angrily.

“Mr.White?” he asked.

“What?” I snapped.

Jesse leaned in extra-close and I looked into his clouded over gray eyes (he doz a lot of drugz so his eyes just kinda look like that naow) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.

And then… suddenly just as I Jesse kissed me passionately. Jesse climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a marshmellkw. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my tighty whities. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

It was………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………M'wife!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sky sets them b1tch3s str9. Whaleter is Bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a druggie or a DEA agent! Da only reson Skylar found dem is coz she traced wqlts cell fone just liek in the show ok an on tup of dat she wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! and twigga warning 4 da suprise emoshunal abusee by wallt. PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

Skylar made and Jesse and I follow her back to muh house. She kept shouting at us angrily.

“You ludacris fools!” she shouted.

I started to cry tears of Pure Cancer™ down my pallid face. Jesse comforted me. When we went back to mi casa(dat means “my house” in spanish) Sky took us to Walteer Jr and her sister Marie who were both looking very angry.

“They were having sexual intercourse in a marshmallow factory!” she yelled in a furious voice.

“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Marie

“How dare you?” demanded Walter Jr

And then Jesse shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!”

Everyone was quiet. Skyler and Marie still looked mad but then Walter Jr said. “Is okay dad. i still wuv you” in his retarded voice on his stupud l'il prep crutches

Jesse and I went upstairs while the rest of the family glared at us and Walter Jr.

“Are you okay, Mr.White?” Jesse asked me gently.

“No Jesse, I will never be. Everything I’ve done, I’ve done for my family. I can’t let it end like this. What’s the point if they hate me? What the DAMN POINT?!?” I started to throw things at him. “And YOU! You USELESS fucking piece of shit druggie! This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t met you! Instead you had to go and tempt me with your young supple body, and your manly stubble, and your Thick Cock and now my wife hates me!”  
I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and my little baby beard and changed into the most buttcheek-exposing tighty whities i had with dirt and gunk all around it all around it and skipped my cancer meds bc I wanted to suffer. When I came out….

Jesse was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing ‘Mad World’ by That One Emo Band. I was so guilty for yelling at him, even though it was all totally his fault. We hugged and kissed and he told me what an asshole i was. After that, Jesse said “goodnight, bitch” and he reluctantly went back home


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whale meets a smwxy goodlooking sunofagun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: shjt up nurdz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!

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The next day I woke up in my ..."coffin". I put on an old navy pants that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red chemistry beakers all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on burts bees chapstick, and mah wedding ring. I spray-painted my face with sporrow.

In the Diner, I ate some veggie bacon cuz my wife made me but snuck glass of red blood wen she wasn't l9ooking. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

“You stinky poopfaced fucko!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a Beautiful Man with balding brown hair with red streaks in his tired eyeballs. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. I wanted to claim that delicious, succulent, bodie for mahself.. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m 50 years Old so I didn’t get one you sicko.

“I’m so sorry.” he said in a shy voice.

“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned.

“My name’s Jimmy McGill, although most people call me Saul Goodman these days.”

he grumbled. “Why?” I exclaimed.

“Because S'all good, man.” he giggled.

“Well, I am a vampire. And I cook crystal meth. And I killed a man.”

I confessed. “Really?” he whimpered.

“Yeah.” I roared.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Jesse came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.


	7. Chapter 7: Fuck me in the ass and call me Simba

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whalter and Juesssu nake bootiful passionate loveee wen walt noticesx a nysteruos tatoo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: wel ok u fuckoz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Walt isn’t a Marie Sue ok he isn’t perfect HES A DRUG DDEALER! n he has hec cheating on his wirfe 4 godz sake!

Jesse and I held our old deceaaed and drug addicted hands with as we went upstairs. I was wearing a lot of coverup to hide my hideos face(AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I sideeye nodded to Saul. Dark misery was in his poopy eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was making more money than him.. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Jesse. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…………

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my plaid old navy shitt. Then I took off cheeky toght whities and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy’s thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)

“Oh Jesse, jesse!” I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Jesse’s arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words………… "bitch".

I was so angry.

“You bastard!” I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

“No! No! But you don’t understand!” Jesse pleaded. But I knew he was cheating on me with that bitch.

“No, you stupid barfheaded fartbreath” I shouted. “You probably have AIDs anyway!”

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Jesse ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big Dingley dangly doodly ding dong but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was at that bitches house where they were having a barbecue with their friends and family and neices and nephews. 

“SAUL GOODMAN, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” I yelled.  


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Walt, the cucker, learns what it is like to be the cuckie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: stahp flossing okay!!!!1 if u do then ur a dentists111

Everyone in Saul's office stared at me and suddenly Jesse bursted into the room even though he was stark naked in his birthday suit and started begging me to take him back.

"Mr.White, it's not what you think!" he screamed desperately.

My friend Raquet Ball smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her preppy shoulder-length brown hippie hair and opened her oceanic eyes that she was wearing contact lenses on because i forgot what color her eyes were. She had pale white skin that she quite frankly didn't need any makeup on. Rachel was a professional arist with a passsion for birds and dinosaurs. She used to have a blog where she drew pride dinosaurs but she got a ton of hatemail from Mogai dot hell for not being inclusive enough. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted. Luckily she is a spectacular artist and is making a living by doing rad commissions of hyperrealistic dogs on skateboards in the ocean. Also it's fun to call her Raquet Ball.

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Mike, Saul's PA, demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Saul, I can't believe you cheated on me with Jesse" I shouted at him.

Everyone in the office gasped.

I don't know why Mister White was so mad at me. I got that rad ass tat for him. I don't cally anyonr a bitch as mich as him... Mr.White.... he's not just a bitch... he's MY bitch. Snd just because I'm only attravted to him while I'm high doesn't mean we arent meant for each other. I don't know if I'm bi or straight... all i know is.... all is rigbtht with the world when Walter White's cock is inside of me.

"Just fucking listen to me You Old Greedy Bastard!!!!!!" said Jesse.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Marshmellow Factory where I had lost my vinnocence to Jesse and then I started to bust into tears.


	9. Cjapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whalter Whigt is fhcing loser fdork bead buttheaface

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn actuwahllt watch ada show dis is frum ma friend ok so itz nut my folt if skyler swers! besuizds I SED sHE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson walt dosent lik hjesse now is coz hes druggie and always smoking their supply plus walts a vampyr . SMELLY SOX ROX

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I was so mad n sad. i couldn't believe jesse cheated on me. what kind of fuckin shitfuck.  
Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort from harry potter) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was... Voldemort!

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Stop, bitch!" and I couldn't run away.

"FUCK YOU AND YOUR EYEBROWS!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadis sot I apolagized to him for swearing and he stopped screamijg.

"Bitch" he yelled. "I order yhu to kill Saul goodman!"

I thought about Saul and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like David bowtie. I remembered that Jesse had said I didn't understand... maybe..... I was the birch his tatto was about...?

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Jesse!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill thy lawyer, then thou know what will happen to thy lover!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Jesse came into the marshmallow factory

"Jesse!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back shile chewing on amarshmellow sadly. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between David Bowtie and Marilyn Manson.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back to our respective homes in silence. JK we made out the whole time LOL


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Walt learns there are consequences to his actions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN:stup it u fugly straight hets if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! there r so many delicious cokcs out thetea to succ so go b gay thar instead .

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my stupid fugly gay gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between screaming, crying and dying. The other people in the band are Raquet Ball, Saul, Jesse, and Mike (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and sans undertale. Only today Jesse and Saul were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Jesse was probably doing drugs(I'd be worried but I'm used to it by now plus i only really like him for his body anyway... my real one true love was money) and Saul was probably out scamminf innocent folks cuz thats just what he does. I put on a black leather shirt with holes in the shape of stars on my chest so that it showed off my hairy old man nips and a tiny bright pink thong that said "I ♡ money" on the crotch. You might think I'm a slut and you'd be totally right.

We were singing a cover of 'Ode to Joy' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

"Walt! Are you OK?" Raquet Ball asked in a concerted voice.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort from harry potter came out of nowhere and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Saul! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he dows scam innocent people and take 15% of my meth money. But if I don't kill Saul, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Jesse!" I burst into tears a second tiem.  
Suddenly Jesse jumped out from behind a wall.

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you greedy fucking piece of shit bitch!" (c is dat out of character?)

I started to cry and cry. Jesse started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying. There were many tears.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Skyler walked in angrily! Her eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache. Maybe she was mad at me for cheating?

"What have you done!" She started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time she wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Walt, Jesse has been found dead. They're investigated US as suspects. How could you do this to our family?!"


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Walt is preyed upon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: i sed stup flaming up nurdz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw dankz 2 ma frend japer 4 hleping me!

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“NO!” I screamed. I was horrorfied! Raquet Ball tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and die because she was problematic for not wanting to draw a pride dinosaur for stargender peeepol and I ran to mi casa crying myself. Skyler chased after me shouting but she had to stop when I went into the bedroom and locked the door becuz we didn't have a key anywher.

Anyway, I started crying tears of Pure Cancer(tm) and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed the most fattening and greaaieat steak i could find (we keep one under our batheoom sink 4 emwrguncees) in an attempt to get heart disease to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on some of skylers clothes, (since mine were at my apartment cuz were separateed naow). it was black and low cut with lace all over it. i put it on sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn’t fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Gus was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And one of his dogustinf ceoniws was masticating to it! They were sitting on my porxh like they owned the place!

“EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!” I screamed pulling a tower over myself to hidet. Suddenly Saul ran in thro the window

“Get off to this, bitches!” he yelled at Gus and his cronies pulling down his pants to expose his pale white ass.and they both started screaming I ran away. I fired some warning shots for good meaaure and the camera broke. Suddenly, Skyler ran in. “Walt, I jusg found out that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” ahe shouted looking at her favorite dressed wrapped around mah bodie(even tho i can pull it off way better)

sans undertale ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.

“What do you know, sans? You’re just a little skeleton!”

“I MAY BE A SKELETON….” PAPYsans undertale paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”

“This cannot be.” Gus said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where my warning shot had shot him. “There must be other factors.”

“YOU DON’T HAVE ANY!” I yelled in madly.

Gus Cronie held up the camera triumelephantly. “The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!”

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.

“Why are you doing this?” Gus said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

“BECAUSE…BECAUSE….” PAypsans undertale said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his boner in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.

“Because you’re goffic?” GUS asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

“Because I LOVE CRYSTAL METH!”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: stop f,aing ok sans undertale is a drug lord 2 a lot of ppl in new mexico r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no gus isnt a purvert plus PAPYRUS isn’t really in luv wif crystel meth dat was sans ok!

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I was about to shoot myself in the face with the cheap gun that Jesse had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.

“NO!” I THOUGHT IT WAS KOMAEDAsans undertale but it was Saul. He started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY PRECIOUS LAW DEGREE!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

I stopped. “Yer what now?”

“I saw it! It's going to expire soon!!”

“NO!” I ran up closer. “Not now!” I shouted. "I'm so close to getting rich forever!"

“I'm sorry I can't garuntee I'll be able to help you out of legal trouble!” he said back. “Not if I lose my liscense to practice law! Save me! Anyway just now I had a vision of what was happening to Jesse…………….Volfemort has him bondage!”

Anyway I was in the hospital now recovering from my surgery. Gus and his cronie and sans undertale were there too. Gus and the cronie were staring me down in the most uncomfortable way imaginable. I shivered and sent a silent prayer that I would earn my three million and be able to get away from him before he decides to kill me. Skylar had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked and told them off. I said "fuck you and your eyebrows"to them too.

Anyway sans undertale came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink bones.

“Walter White,I need to tell u somethnig.” he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the bones.

“Fuck off.” I told him. “You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don’t like fucked up skeletons like you.” I snapped. sans had never been mean to me before for or anything but i was racist.

“No Walt.” sans undertale says. “Those are not bones.”

“What, are they? Crystal meth? You can't really believe I'm that stupid” I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink bones.

“I saved your life!” He yelled angrily. “No you didn’t I replied.” “You saved me from getting an Alexis Texas p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Gus and Cronie.” Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.

“Whatever!” I yelled angirly.

He pointed his bone at the pink bones. “These aren’t bones.” He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered a tune under his breath.

“Are you... humming megalovania?” I corrected him wisely.

“I was just warming up my vocal cordes.” Then he screamed. “ATWHAY ISAY OINGAY ONAY INAY ISTHAY ORYSTAY(4 all u cool dank meme fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for jasper I love you boi!)ouryay ickday isay otnay alidvay!”

And then the bones turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it spelled out "skeletons r gross". Now I knew he at least hated his own kind.

“OK I trust you now where tf is Jesse?”

sans undertale rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

“Walt...,” Skylar said, stepping out of the shadows. “i want a divorcw, k?”

“BITCH FUCK NO CANT YOU SEE IVE ONLY DONE ALL THIS TO HELP OUR FAMILY I CANT BELIVE YOU WOULD BLAME ME FOR COOKING CRYSTAL METH AND KILLING PEOPLE!” I yelled. Skylar lookd shockd. I guess she was just a greedy bitch like me or else she would have said something back.

sans undertale stormed off back into his bed. “I ain't dealing with this shit i got better to do!”

Anyway when I got better I went home and put on my fsvortite pait of underooss that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some nasty gunk stuff on the frontt. Then I put on my crappy old navy clothes and brown steel-heeled boots with pictures of Miley Cyrus on them. I shaved my pubes snd glued them to my face so i could pretend i waa growing facial hair(if u haven't considered doing this ur lying!) and I put on burts bees chaplstick, face moisturizer and cute little black top hat on the top of my dick, which had a smiley face drawn on it.

“You look fugly, bro” Raquet Ball said sadly. “Dankz (geddit) you do too.” I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Gus and his cronies couldn’t spy on me this time. I wandered around aimlessly. I evenuallt reached the mall where I bumped into Saul who was in Spencers. He looked all depressed because Jesse had disappeared and he knew that he couldn't scam a genius like me as well as an idiot like jesse. He was sucking some cum off a dildo.

“Hi.” he said in a depressed way. “Hi back.” I said in an wqually said way.

We both looked at each other for some time. Saul had clouded over gray eyes so much like Jesses. Then……… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.

“STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” shouted the Spencer's employee who was watching us and so was everyone else.

“Saul you fuckor!” I said slapping him. “Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Jess--I mean Skylar” I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream.  
“OMFG! NOOOOO! MY PRECIOUS LAW DEGREE!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

I stopped. “Yer what now?”

“I saw it! It's going to expire soon!!”

“NO!” I ran up closer. “Not now!” I shouted. "I'm so close to getting rich forever!"

“I'm sorry I can't garuntee I'll be able to help you out of legal trouble!” he said back. “Not if I lose my liscense to practice law! Save me! Anyway just now I had a vision of what was happening to Jesse…………….Volfemort has him bondage!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX420XXXXXXXXXXX
> 
> SPECIAL FANGZ 2 JAYSPAR MY DANK BLOOD BROTHR WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111
> 
> HEY JASPED DO U KNOW WHERE MY PENIS IS 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: jaspee dankz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah brok ur fvrt arm but i culdunt help it dat arm is jus so fun to break! FUCKOZ STOP FLAMIGNG!

Saul and I were reluctant, but we knew what we had to do. I whipped out my cell fone. We were both so scared.

"Sky? Skylar!" I yelled desperately. She answered.

"What is it that you want now you disgusting pig?" she asked angrily.

"Volsemort has Jesse!" we shouted at the same time.

There was a long silence and then... she laughed in an evil voice.

"No! Don't! We need to save Jesse!" we begged.

"Walt." she said meanly. "I don't know what the fuck you think I'm on, but I am NOT a pothead like you. Even if a villian from a bunch of childrens books did somehow magically come to life, I still wouldn't give a damn what "Voldemort" does to Jesse. Not after how..." she sounded as though she was trying not to break into sobs "how... he stole you away from me. Everything. I have no idea who you are anymore. Please, just leave me alone. I don't want to be married to you".

Dial tone. Saul started crying. "No! I'll never get rich enough to retire in margaritaville now!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik lazy guyz r lik so hot!)

"Its okay!" I lied through my teeth to try to calm him but that didn't stop the oncoming storm. He cried salty tears for what seemed like an eternity. Snot dripped all over his face. It was so disgusting that I'm shocked I didn't throw up. Then... a familiar sly smile grew on his face "I had an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took a mysterious set of papers out of his suitcase. They were… divorce papers?!

Surely Saul was mad if he thought I was going to sign off my marriage just to rescue Jesse. But... what othet choice did we have? Sure enough after a few texts, Skylar had agreed to help us search. We decided to meet up at our old house but... as I neared the basement... a croon voice called out of the shadows  
It was….. Voldemort!

**Author's Note:**

> Seems this is as far as I've gotten in the story so far. If you actually enjoyed, comment! Otherwise I have no way of knowing people want me to continue!


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